WHAT??? Tori Spelling seen out partying with all us 'normal' people in Dallas..wha'???

Nahh..or should I say..hee-ha..that's just my son Mitch dressed as Tori Spelling for the Cedar Springs Halloween Street Party 2009. I'm the WTF chicken..you can make your own joke.. Good family fun had by all.

I'll add more photos as I get them. I've ignored my blog for a while..sort of, kind of.. forgot about it really.

anyhow..laterreerer,

Donna

Paint It Pink

What were the dart transit workers thinking? C'mon now boys...REALLY? All the millions of city dollars spent to make pretty sidewalks and pretty everything.. you guys see a dog crap on the new sidewalk and decide to paint it pink? Didn't your mama teach you not to play with poo?

Hmmm..I hear a song coming on..imagine the Rolling Stone's song "Paint it Black"..and then sing this..

I see a dog poop and I want it painted pink

No odors anymore I want them to turn pink

I see the dogs walk by dressed in their silly clothes

I have to turn my head until my laughter goes

I see a line of turds and they're all painted pink

With green grass and my dog both gone in just one blink

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away

Like a new born baby it just happens every day

I look inside myself and see my heart just sink

I see my dog's poop and must have it painted pink

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to ever think

It's not easy facin' up when your dog's poop is pink

No more could my dog's poo be turned a deeper blue

I could not foresee this thing happening to poo

If the poo gets ripe enough in the settin' sun

My dog will run-off with me before the neighbors come

I see a dog poop and I want it painted pink

No odors anymore I want them to turn pink

I see the dogs go by dressed in their silly clothes

I have to turn my head until my laughter goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm,...Hmm, hmm, hmm,...

You get my point.

Latererer,

Donna

A Murder in Dallas

Mr. Pigeon was the victim of a hit and run yesterday. This is very sad. My daughter and I went out last night at exactly 11:59 pm to walk BoB and to stop by and say.."Hey Mr. Pigeon, how are you doing?". But, when we got to Mr. Pigeon's crib..we found him murdered.

Every night Mr. Pigeon would sleep in the same spot of grass by the old Allied Printing Co. building. Poor Mr Pigeon..he was handicapped, and couldn't fly like other pigeons. During the day he'd pigeon-walk across this little back alley street and feast on nightclub leftovers, and then as the sun went down, he'd return to his crib across the street. But yesterday was different. He never did get back to his home. He was about 10 pigeon-steps away from his front yard, when he was taken down. How could this happen?

Immediately, my daughter and I went to work. We sectioned off the area with Crime Scene tape, drew the chalk outline of Mr. Pigeon's body, and searched for clues. We collected all the appropriate samples and questioned some 'people of interest'. Due to limited resources, such as lack of a little pigeon body bag and ice, etc. we decided to perform the autopsy on sight. First of all, we determined the time of death to be around 10pm. His stomach contents included undigested crickets and some seed. Nothing suspicious making it easy to rule out death caused by poisoning. We sent out tissue and blood samples to the lab to test for the presence of drugs in his system. Could he have been under the influence of narcotics? Heroine? Crack? Ice? Meth? I hope not. Maybe Mr. Pigeon was just a little tipsy, considering he was leaving the nightclub when this happened. We found no violation or trauma to his vent-holes, so thankfully sexual assault can be ruled out. So what happened? After reconstructing the final hours of Mr. Pigeon's life, we were able to successfully determine the cause of death.

These are the FACTS:

Approximatly at 5pm, Mr. Pigeon was eating at the back door of the men's club..(hee-hee, I said back door of men's club..hee-hee, eating...tossed salad anyone?)..Around the time of 8pm, Mr. Pigeon's routine was interruppted by the unexpected arrival of transient pigeons. They must have partied together for more than an hour, which therefore delayed the time of Mr. Pigeon's travel back home. Under normal circumstances, he would be crossing the street in the daylight hours, but this night..this crazy night of pigeon partying madness.. he would have to cross in the dark. Suddenly..all the pieces of the puzzle came together for us. Could it be? Could it really be the big Jeep Wrangler parked on top of his head? I think so.. Mr. Watson. How could we have missed such an important key clue? At 12:01am, we finally had closure. We were at peace, although still very heartbroken. We closed this case... "Murder by Jeep"...those bastards! Mr. Pigeon will be missed.

What a bummer..I can't walk down that street now for a while..because really..the City of Dallas will never clean that up, and it takes a bird a long time to naturally dissolve into the pavement. Gross.

Latererer,

Donna

Big Brown Bag

I haven't blogged in a while because my mind has been cluttered with family drama, so I'm going to think beyond all of that mess..and write-on....dude.

I'm still waiting for that drawing for that "Smart Car" raffle..3 more days to go. I've been to NorthPark a couple more times since that day. Visiting NorthPark Mall reminds me of a news story that aired a few weeks ago. It was about how they arrested some guys for doing 'sex acts' in the men's bathroom. Then the news guys needed to show some shoppers who were completely SHOCKED that something like this was happening at their perfect hoity-toity NorthPark Mall.

My response would have been..'ooooohhh now C'mon!!!' This sort of thing has been happening at NorthPark for over 25 years! I really thought everybody knew that if you went in the men's rooms at NorthPark, you literally needed to 'watch your back'. So I will clue-in all you men out there who don't know about the real show! It has been a fact that when you go in the men's room, and see a pair of feet in one of the potty stalls, if there is a shopping bag next to those feet, there is a high probability that there are another pair of feet standing in the shopping bag. That's just how they roll. So now you know.

CASA Houses at NorthPark

Today I went by NorthPark Mall to purchase raffle tickets for playhouses. These aren't your ordinary playhouses. These are special..very special. I think I could live in one of these playhouses. These seriously kick-ass!! You won't find Bobby Brady reading dirty magazines in there. These are for hardcore players. No Barbies Allowed!!

Besides, the money collected from the raffle tickets go to an organization called CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates for abused and neglected children)..so really, you can't go wrong. Even if you don't win, you know your money went to a good place.

For more information on CASA go to http://www.dallascasa.org/

For information about the playhouses at NorthPark go to http://www.dallascasaplayhouses.org/

At this website, you can view each of the 14 artfully created playhouses displayed. You can also avoid the mall traffic by purchasing tickets online. Raffle tickets are $5 each, or 5 tickets for $20. But, as I did, you can buy 12 tickets for $50. You also choose which playhouses you want your name entered into. The $50 option includes one special raffle ticket for the "Smart Car Playhouse", which includes the car. I want that car. I want that car for one reason..I want to paint it. I want to paint it like one of those "Little Tikes" play cars just like the one I have pictured. I can imagine myself cruising the streets of Dallas. Maybe I can dress up like Mrs. Potato-Head too, but then again, I don't know if my giant spud of a head could fit in that car. That car is so small, that if you hit a speed bump too fast in that car, you'd be wearing your ass-cheeks as a hat. I don't understand how people can really take themselves seriously while driving in that "Smart Car". Is it THAT 'Smart' to be sharing a road with other cars that are rolling with rims bigger than your car? I think that the biggest safety feature on the "Smart Car" is it's license plate. But if you want to relate the "Smart Car" as describing your own intelligence, then I could see my daughter driving that. I had my own car in highschool that I would call the "Below Average Car". That was my Chrysler Cardoba...yellow..my car was yellow when yellow wasn't cool.

Oh yes, and the raffle drawing is August 23rd at 4pm at the NorthCourt between Nordstrom and Macy's. You don't need to be present to win.

Latererererer,

Donna

Menopause the Musical

Well last night I went to see 'Menopause the Musical'...and I have to admit, I really liked it. It started off a bit quirky, and we didn't know what to think at first. I know that when I glanced over at my friend Terry during the opening of show, she gave me that look that could take us both down to the giggle and snorts level of hysteria that we can get ourselves into at the most inappropriate times. My wedding 18 years ago was one of those times. Terry was my Maid of Honor, and when the pastor said 'be fruitful and multiply'..he didn't know that I was already pregnant with TWINS (the twins is an entirely other story)!! But Terry was well aware of that fact. So when he said that and I then glanced over to Terry..she started the giggle-snorts, which started me doing the giggle-snorts for the remainder of the wedding vows. Yep..very inappropriate..but it was pretty funny.

Anyhow..back to the musical... about 15 minutes into the show, it started turning around. So I would have to recommend it to all women to go see this. I really don't think men would be so inclined to go. Although the few men that did go, they did look to be enjoying it. I think particularly the older gentleman that was sitting in the front row, who really must have enjoyed it. The one actress that played the sexy soap star, came down off the stage as she was singing 'I'm Having a Hot Flash..a tropical Hot Flash" to the tune of 'Heat Wave'. She walked up to this man and straddled him while running her fingers through his white and thinning hair, as she continued singing. I think he had a reason to remain sitting for at least 15 minutes after that little simulation. Woo-hooo!!!

That reminds me of another time at an Alice Cooper concert.

About 10 years ago I went to see Alice Cooper, and I managed to get right up in front of the stage. But..you know there always has to be the girls who feel the need to show off their ta-ta's at concerts..and that night there were 2 of them...front and center. Alice Cooper did the cool thing, and ignored those boobs, and wouldn't stand in front of them. Apparently Alice Cooper was the only one ignoring them, because as these 2 girls stood there for the entire show with their shirts rolled-up, the Stage Security dude's pants started growing. Now let me tell you...this security dude was a big black guy..and I'm not just talking about his belly being big!! At that moment I could see what 'pitching a tent' really meant. This guy's tent was sooo big, he could sleep a family of 4 in there!! Oh my..the dick-ache this man must have had. He had to untuck his white oxford shirt just to "try" to cover-up all the business going on down in his pants. Thank God for pleated pants..but soon even the pleats couldn't hold THAT back. Poor Alice Cooper got upstaged by an enormous woody. That was FUNNY! And I know I wasn't the only one who noticed!!

So back to the subject..Yes, women need to go see 'Menopause the Musical'. It's playing at the Eisemann Center in Richardson through September 27th. It's easy to get to, and easy to park. Tickets are $45, and parking last night was $4. Check out the links:

http://www.menopausethemusical.com/ and to puchase tickets go to http://www.eisemanncenter.com/

The photo was a scene from the musical that I snagged off their website.

Laterererr,

Donna

Can't U Smell That Smell?

Downtown Dallas smells like ASS tonight. For those of you who don't know, and may be wondering..'who farted', it's the Trinity River that farted! What in the hell is IN that river? Nights like this, when the breeze is just right..the sweet ass smells of the Trinity come rolling through.

What I don't understand is why there are people fishing in that septic tank of a river. I mean really..those can't be real fish swimming in there. They're more like floating turds with scales and eyeballs. If I were a fish in the Trinity River, I would dream of the day I could find a hook to swallow so to put an end to my little fishy hell on earth.

laterererer,

Donna